I hate long gaps between the posts.. thousands of words come to my mind I run to write them down ..they run away from me... there are thousands of untold "I miss you" s that will never reach to the one.. many many words aborted pre-term.......sigh...
Swallow
Rage like a silent shark
swims miles under my surface
then it slowly comes up to the surface
catches and pulls back down
to the darkest and the scariest silence
deep down....
and
finish....
swims miles under my surface
then it slowly comes up to the surface
catches and pulls back down
to the darkest and the scariest silence
deep down....
and
finish....
Chance
[[[[I'm not angry I'm just saying..sometimes goodbye is a better chance....sometimes goodbye is a better chance....sometimes goodbye is a better chance!!!]]]]]
and the music plays on and on and as the word 'chance' fades in the background it goes more like chiyance than a simple chance! the singer thinks if he emphasizes on that word people say goodbye easier to have a better chance!
I used to think that events in life act like an eraser in the way that when a more important one occurs the less important ones simply fade! I was wrong! the events you are bound to remember won't fade away!
and the music plays on and on and as the word 'chance' fades in the background it goes more like chiyance than a simple chance! the singer thinks if he emphasizes on that word people say goodbye easier to have a better chance!
I used to think that events in life act like an eraser in the way that when a more important one occurs the less important ones simply fade! I was wrong! the events you are bound to remember won't fade away!
In...
Feel like Al Pacino in Insomnia! Can't imagine how I could sleep 10 hrs in a row! gone are those days...
I think this little frog has an invisible string attached to me, as soon as I go away more than 2 meters he wakes up and screams his head off! I am officially a milking cow and a pacifier! its funny how I keep myself up at late o'clock nursing time! have to wash my face to wake me up! mobile in one hand, baby the other side! browse the net and keep myself from falling asleep and dropping the baby! and sometimes I just let my imagination ride me on its black horse and we gallop through the odyssey of memories and pull the curtains of oblivion off like stallions and watch all those wonderful memories play live once more in front of our forgetful eyes... we pause and rewind..pause and rewind .....pause...laugh...cry...rewind....
until we hear a burp a grunt and smell of sour milk that pulls us down to the real world......
I think this little frog has an invisible string attached to me, as soon as I go away more than 2 meters he wakes up and screams his head off! I am officially a milking cow and a pacifier! its funny how I keep myself up at late o'clock nursing time! have to wash my face to wake me up! mobile in one hand, baby the other side! browse the net and keep myself from falling asleep and dropping the baby! and sometimes I just let my imagination ride me on its black horse and we gallop through the odyssey of memories and pull the curtains of oblivion off like stallions and watch all those wonderful memories play live once more in front of our forgetful eyes... we pause and rewind..pause and rewind .....pause...laugh...cry...rewind....
until we hear a burp a grunt and smell of sour milk that pulls us down to the real world......
Breath..
Lost the logical order of the calender...been the most different, emotional, tearful, joyful, painful, stressful, amazing 30 days of my life...
sleep deprived like a zombie...listening to the grunts of a little helpless frog whose most important task is to be nursed and find its way to fart while soundly sleeping!...
I have officially hibernated myself from anything else in the world...and I sometimes think...will this little one remember all this? I doubt it.....but my love wont stop there....
sleep deprived like a zombie...listening to the grunts of a little helpless frog whose most important task is to be nursed and find its way to fart while soundly sleeping!...
I have officially hibernated myself from anything else in the world...and I sometimes think...will this little one remember all this? I doubt it.....but my love wont stop there....
word play
One of my friends at work loves to add words together and make silly new ones!
It was my last day at work and I was secretly happy and excited...
she observed me for a long time and decided I was Hap-cited!!!
I simply smiled and continued what I was doing...she couldnt stop mentioning the new word to me...and all I was thinking was:
whats the combo for: shut your big fuckin mouth up and leave me alone!
I came up with Shu-urging-thhhh-uP!!! sounds Chinese but its fine!
It was my last day at work and I was secretly happy and excited...
she observed me for a long time and decided I was Hap-cited!!!
I simply smiled and continued what I was doing...she couldnt stop mentioning the new word to me...and all I was thinking was:
whats the combo for: shut your big fuckin mouth up and leave me alone!
I came up with Shu-urging-thhhh-uP!!! sounds Chinese but its fine!
The wonder moments
You know that if you walk another 5 feet, you will reach that red line border,,,the line that separates all you ever wanted and wished for- and the maddening world of reality you've been running away from..
you then recite uncle Browning 's:
"Then a mile of warm sea-scented beach;
you then recite uncle Browning 's:
"Then a mile of warm sea-scented beach;
Three fields to cross till a farm appears;
A tap at the pane, the quick sharp scratch
And blue spurt of a lighted match,
And a voice less loud, thro' its joys and fears,
Than the two hearts beating each to each!"
not much time left and you need to decide...
...
and after an everlasting pause... you put your feet down over the other side....
the rat race swallows you in...
vertigo...vertigo....
and the sound of the shattering dreams....
echos...echos...
-16 degrees
Its so cold these days that makes one question the validity of their existence! this weather app thing on my phone doesn't help too! its actually -16 but according to the encouraging words of the app it feels like -24! brrrrrr...funny is only last week it was happily spring almost with a fresh air of +24! ...40 degrees of change is not good in any universe! meh...
dancing on ice
Was watching Dancing on ice this afternoon, was terrified by that headbangers move...it was awesome yet crazy.... reminded me of how often we trust people to grab our ankles and do the headbangers to us. Not knowing or wanting to believe that they might just let go in the middle of the vertigo and shoot us to the moon....
we had it before we'll do it again! mad world...
we had it before we'll do it again! mad world...
Dream land
I had the best dream ever in ages! Thank you dreamfairy!
It was like episodes of a whole season... my existence was acknowledged again.. bonds were unworn ...amazing.... we ate at a restaurant in London, all I remember is we took the tube to Charing Cross station..I have to google it, it had the best food ever. Buffet of Chinese and Indian and even Persian rice cake to make us feel at home! I decided rice cake and shredded duck was heaven. nom....
It was like episodes of a whole season... my existence was acknowledged again.. bonds were unworn ...amazing.... we ate at a restaurant in London, all I remember is we took the tube to Charing Cross station..I have to google it, it had the best food ever. Buffet of Chinese and Indian and even Persian rice cake to make us feel at home! I decided rice cake and shredded duck was heaven. nom....
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness ...
Song of the day:
Gotye: Somebody that I used to know.
Sometimes I don't even have to try...music says it all!
Gotye: Somebody that I used to know.
Sometimes I don't even have to try...music says it all!
am about to lose my mind
My universe can never be the same apparently..too many changes and too little time to keep up with it all.
All that seems to be able to relax me now is chocolate cupcakes..help!
All that seems to be able to relax me now is chocolate cupcakes..help!
North of South
Today was awesome, one of those mad mad autumn days with
gusts of winds and rain and suicidal leaves.. it reminded me of that land of
cold I used to be in..the first time I experienced the same cold and wind here!
Funny tho, people are not used to this kind of weather and they are freaked
out, holding their floaty clothes in places, with scared looks in their eyes,
avoiding bent down trees and mad cars…
This time my experience of such weather is different tho,
cosily wrapped up and driving to work and wondering how on earth I made it in
the same stupid weather without a car or anything to that bus stop in town in
Stir..!! ..
Now it should be all Christmasy there, the town should be
very pretty with all the lights… and the rows of houses in the riverside should
have all their Xmas trees set up by now… or nearly so.
The radio plays "Just a dream" by Nelly!.. Don’t get
most of it but the rhythm is enough to put me in the mood..
I stop in front of the travel agency and think about the
tickets I need to pick up..and think about the miles I have to go before I sleep….
This time to South Pole tho..
proof
A female hippo puts herself in harm's way to protect her baby and gives it enough time to escape to safety..
it reminded me of how we human promise each other thousands and when it comes to proving it we are the first to escape....
at least animals prove their love better..!
it reminded me of how we human promise each other thousands and when it comes to proving it we are the first to escape....
at least animals prove their love better..!
I spit...on your memory
I am sitting in the doctor's office and I really need to pee, I still have a bottle of water to drink before he sees me..
Then I close my eyes and try to concentrate..on...on what..no idea!
and then this lines of poetry comes to my head..:
Lets say goodbye
lets say goodbye
If one of us is to stay
Let it be you...
This world doesn't need my 'love'..your 'hatred' helps it better...
clearly I am watching too many sad, violent movies!
phew!
nostalgia
I miss the one
who has been with me from the northest of the north
to the southest of the south...
who has been with me from the northest of the north
to the southest of the south...
look at me now
There is this grumpy cat that's been a mega
star thank to his funny face, he has his own bodyguards and make up artists...
its just insane!!! how sometimes I wish I had paws!!!
its just insane!!! how sometimes I wish I had paws!!!
School reunion..
Weather smells like musty autumn...when I was just a little kid, had to wake up 6 days a week at 6 in the morning, wait for the school bus and have a nap until it collected all the other sleepy students and dropped us all of at the big iron gates of our school...
just 7 in the morning now.... the school master is shouting in some very loud speaker to wake us up and gave us some stretch moves as our morning work out regime and warnings of how to behave ...
then all lined up, perfectly organized based on our heights.our nails were checked to be perfectly trimmed and no nail polish ever!!..I was most of the time at the end...
marching to our classes now...
and oh the horror of forgetting our notebooks or skipping a homework..exactly the one that the teacher was going to check one by one and kick anyone not done it before out of the class....
into the ever stretching hall ways....full of closed doors...and more screaming teachers...
yeah...nice weather...
Out of love
Why should one of the most fashionable purposes of life be 'loving someone'?
As women we are always pushed to be emotional! Do you have a boy friend? do you have a husband? no? whats wrong with you!!!
I disagree!
cause you cant always find the right person at the right time...then you end up not liking what you have already and thinking the grass are greener at the other side...
then you close your eyes and cross the line to the greener grass...
and its a never ending fall after that!
If I could have a magic power..I would turn myself invisible...go to all those houses that they owe me a part of my heart...
and steal my stolen heart back.....
Game of losing games..
Watching all the seasons of Game of Thrones and Walking Dead in 4 days back to back
was not the best plan for my brain and eyes and neck and dreams!
but now I know that both in far far away kingdoms and United States, WALKERS do exist!
I hope they don't come to my country
.....cause we are all walkers already.....
30s
So the landlady asked me how old I was.
I asked her what she thought?
she said 25-35?
Its a decade between these 2 numbers! I am frustrated!
But its funny how carefree you are up until a certain age
and then you hit 30 and if they guess your age wrong ( mainly add up to it) you turn into a ninja and cut them in half!
Well I try not to care! I think I thought I changed! so nothing else matters!
I asked her what she thought?
she said 25-35?
Its a decade between these 2 numbers! I am frustrated!
But its funny how carefree you are up until a certain age
and then you hit 30 and if they guess your age wrong ( mainly add up to it) you turn into a ninja and cut them in half!
Well I try not to care! I think I thought I changed! so nothing else matters!
Sure?
of ..All the memories
of...All the people,
of...All the places...
Now you need to sit and pick which ones you can put in your suitcase
And which ones are to be left at the red zone..
Its a heartache
Its a heartbreak...
But it should happen
Now..
Once and for ever...
of...All the people,
of...All the places...
Now you need to sit and pick which ones you can put in your suitcase
And which ones are to be left at the red zone..
Its a heartache
Its a heartbreak...
But it should happen
Now..
Once and for ever...
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